6.7/10 — hand grip reveals average length at best. not tiny but nothing worth bragging about either.

7.9/10 — decent length and girth, hand gives scale so we know you're not cheating. still looks like it peaked in 2017.

5.4/10 — veiny and slightly angry looking. skin texture screams neglect and poor decisions.

5.8/10 — glans is doing the most, shaft has that lived-in texture. symmetry exists but the color gradient is fighting for its life.

2.9/10 — the bush is a full national forest. trimmer exists for a reason and you clearly never met one.

3.2/10 — the bush is a whole ecosystem down there. looks like it hasn't seen a trimmer since the obama administration.

6.2/10 — phone camera did its job but the composition is lazy and uninspired.

6.4/10 — phone camera did its job but the random papers and table in the back scream 'i took this during a commercial break'.

4.7/10 — laptop glow is doing war crimes to your skin tone. actual lighting would help but you chose the void.

5.1/10 — indoor lamp doing its best impression of a crime scene spotlight. shadows are hiding nothing and also everything.

4.2/10 — sad bed with open laptop energy. zero confidence, maximum desperation.

5.9/10 — confident enough to grab it and point it at the lens like a weapon. unfortunately the weapon looks tired.