7.2/10 — ok fine, you're working with some legitimate length here. we hate to give credit but the size is actually respectable. this is your genetic lottery ticket and honestly your only W in this entire image.

8.4/10 — ok fine, this is genuinely impressive length and girth. you won the genetic lottery. congrats. shame you're wasting it on this nightmare photo setup.

6.1/10 — shape's decent, nothing offensive about the silhouette. slight curve, clean glans definition. it's functional and passably attractive. that's the nicest thing you'll hear today.

7.2/10 — decent shape, visible veining, glans looks healthy. not offensive to look at which is more than we can say for most submissions. still can't save you from your photography sins.

4.2/10 — my guy this is giving 'forgot razors existed for three months.' the overgrowth is actively sabotaging your proportions scorecard. there's good dick buried under a small mammal's worth of neglect.

4.1/10 — bro that's a forest down there. we get it, you're natural, very earthy. but this looks like you're smuggling a chinchilla. one trimmer session would change your life.

4.9/10 — this is what happens when you don't review your selfies before uploading. slightly soft focus, mediocre framing, the shirt bunching is doing you zero favors. you took one pic and said 'good enough.' it wasn't.

3.8/10 — grainy, slightly out of focus, shaky hand energy. you took this lying in bed like you were sending a half-hearted snapchat. your dick deserves better camera work than this.

6.3/10 — natural window light is doing most of the heavy lifting here and honestly it's the MVP of this disaster. soft, even, flattering. the one element of this photo that understood the assignment while you slept through it.

2.9/10 — this is cave lighting. dungeon ambiance. one sad lamp somewhere off-screen doing its best and failing. half your dick is in shadow like it's hiding from the photographer. can't blame it.

5.9/10 — casual lazy afternoon energy. no confidence, no intention, just 'hey let me lift my shirt and snap this real quick.' you could've tried but you simply chose not to. inspirational laziness.

5.3/10 — laying in bed on grandma's floral sheets with your dick out is certainly a choice. not a good one. the vibe is 'lazy sunday afternoon with erectile dysfunction medication' but make it cottage core.